anger

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Meredith Gould on her book, “Deliberate Acts of Kindness”

I recently had a Q&A conversation with Dr. Meredith Gould on her updated book, Deliberate Acts of Kindness: A Field Guide to Service As a Spiritual Practice. Dr. Gould is well known for her writing and work within the fields of spirituality, church communications, and social media (among other disciplines). She makes a compelling case to go beyond the proverbial random acts of kindness and to embody kindness that is intentional and authentic. It is a wonderful book that will help point readers to practical and spiritual direction for service in the church and the world.

Q1: You wrote the first edition of your book in 2002. What has changed in 15 years in our culture and spiritual lives of people that called for a second edition?

blog, Christianity

Social media reactions to the Orlando shooting

As I watched the news of the Orlando shooting unfold on television, CNN interviewed a man who came to the scene to try to find his friends. Although it was painful to watch, the man said something that struck me. He said, “Just pray for us.” Here is a man, who identified himself to be a member of the LGBTQ community, asking for prayer.

What followed in response to the Orlando shooting on social media was a mixture of thoughts and prayers, internet memes, statements on guns, and statements on the LGBTQ community. Most social media posts on Facebook and Twitter was supportive, positive, and hopeful. However, many were hateful, negative, and very abusive. Some Christians expressed anger at the mention of banning of assault weapons. Some even blamed the whole Orlando shooting solely on LGBTQ community. Many of the conversations online devolved into hate filled expressions of rage.

When faced with tragedy, especially with such politically sensitive topics of gay rights and gun ownership, most attempts to have a serious conversation online about cultural problems tend to result in defensive positioning. I’m not referring to posting a prayer or a message of support. I’m referring to online interactions that are insensitive or tone deaf to the pain and suffering experienced in tragedy, such as the Orlando shooting.

Our response should include support, prayer, and positive action. However, not everyone agrees. Here’s some of the best and worst I’ve seen online (all comments were publically viewable at the time of posting):
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9/11

Three September 11 messages in church

As we remember September 11, 2001 in our culture, church goers will look to churches and pastors this weekend. Speaking about September 11 in church, a sermon, or prayer will be needed.

With the 14th anniversary of September 11, 2001 here, many Americans are sorting through their minds and hearts. How have I changed from 14 years ago? What do I feel when I think of September 11, 2001? Where was I on that fateful day? Why am I still sad? Where can our country go from here?

As we reflect and look back, we have three main messages to the attacks on September 11, 2001:

blog

Why pastors need pastors

Much of what we pastors do is to minister, care, support, and uplift the people in our congregations and community. We go through college and graduate school (seminary) and learn the basics of sociology, psychology, and therapy. We pastors walk with people through depression, grief, and death.

Through all those hours, days, weeks, and years of care-giving, what happens when we pastors need a pastor? Who will be the care-giver to the care-giver? Who will be the pastor to a pastor?

I recently posted an Baptist News Global article, written by Jeff Brumbly, on Facebook with some startling statistics for pastors:

Leadership

Beware of the Backfire Effect

“Daddy long-leg spiders are one of the most poisonous spiders but their fangs are too short to bite humans.” “All vaccines are deadly to all children.” You may heard those statements, but those statements are not true. Despite facts that disprove popular myths, some folks dig in further into their beliefs. That is called the Backfire Effect.

The term Backfire Effect was first used and documented by Brendan Nyhan and Jason Reifler. They sought to study the interaction of people’s false benefits with counter credible evidence, which in turn further solidifies their misguided belief. Nyhan and Reifler tracked how corrections to false beliefs actually increase misconceptions among the group or person in question.

Often, the Backfire Effect is studied in the field of politics, but the Backfire Effect happens in the churches. Leadership in the local church need to be able to identify and respond to the Backfire Effect.

Churches experience the Backfire Effect when congregants assume facts or completely ignore the reality of a situation. In turn they label others as “wrong” or “right”. This in turn can create a culture of “us” versus “them”.

It is easy for church folk to assume nothing is happening in “this” committee or “that” ministry project is not moving in the right direction. This can enable that disgruntled congregant, who usually complains about everything, to slide further into their emotional hang-up concerning the church. When a leader sits down with the disgruntled congregant and calmly addresses their concerns with corrective facts, the Backfire Effect can occur: the disgruntled congregant rejects the facts and keeps believing that he/she is in the “right”.

Pastors and leaders need to understand where emotional opinions come from. There will always been those persons in the church who throw their hands up and say, “They don’t do evangelism” or “They don’t really care about people”. When in fact, those statements are not true. Such harsh comments usually come from some deep drama or past history that has not been addressed. People with anger management problems or prone to outbursts sometimes provide the worst Backfire Effect.

Still, churches must create spaces and times for people to express their concerns. It is important to not let the Backfire Effect dominate a meeting or discussion. It is best to give the facts, listen and move on. Later, a one-one meeting will be necessarily.

The more you communicate the reality or correct message to your organization or church audience the better. The more people who have the correct information the better. Spend time planning how to best communicate the truth: word of mouth, print, digital, or all of the above. Finally, frequent reminders of information is helpful. Such practices can help reduce the Backfire Effect.

blog, Culture, prayer

New York Times gets Senate prayer wrong

Unless you have been sleeping under a rock, our government is at a budget impasse and everyone is mad as hell. Senate Chaplain Rev. Barry Black, a retired Navy rear admiral, gave a Senate prayer that the New York Times reported as “scolding”:

The disapproval comes from angry constituents, baffled party elders and colleagues on the other side of the Capitol. But nowhere have senators found criticism more personal or immediate than right inside their own chamber every morning when the chaplain delivers the opening prayer.

The New York Times entitled the article, “Give Us This Day, Our Daily Senate Scolding” – written by Jeremy W. Peters – highlighted Rev. Black’s prayer as some sort of religious finger shaking. When you read and watch the prayer, one immediately can connect to the honesty of the situation:

social media

In the wake of Boston, social media heals

It was last week American experienced its first terrorist act through the lens of social media. Millions turned to Twitter, Facebook, and other social media networking sites to gain information on the bombings in Boston. During 9/11, many turned to TV and radio to seek information but in 2013, social media led the way in information and healing. This is a different internet age.

When the bombs when off in Boston, I was driving my friend Gary Long to the airport. Gary checked his iPhone and said, “A bomb went off at the Boston Marathon.” Immediately, my Twitter and Facebook media feeds contained with first hand accounts, information, and pictures. At times media reports were riddled with errors and misinformation. Our culture’s need to immediately digest information fed inaccuracies.

Quickly after the bombing, social media was ablaze with pictures and stories of regular people rushing to the scene of the explosions. There was something different about this act of terrorism. The shock was lessened by bystanders heroic action rather than fearful reaction to the explosions. The emerging story on Facebook and Twitter was not about details of death, grief, and loss but stories of healing, hospitality, and love. Google quickly set up a missing persons exchange to find loved ones in Boston.

Facebook messages of prayer and sentiments of grief for Boston filled my feed:

After the wake of the Boston bombings, social media became a tool for American to heal. A tool used to gather together as a digital community. Social media became the mechanism by which people shared a common grief and a common resolve to heal. The pictures and stories of average people doing powerful things to save lives gave us hope. Social media brought us together. We all saw the pictures, witnessed the tragedy, and experience grief through social media.

In the end, the power of social media brought us together to pray, cry, and mourn. But, we didn’t stay mournful long because our collective social media conscience encourage us to respond with healing and prayer – not anger or fear. As we move forward as a country, social media will increase our sense of national community and will play a greater role in healing.

afeature, Lance Armstrong

Lance Armstrong and confession

After years of doping allegations, Lance Armstrong finally came clean… or mostly.

After denying that he cheated, the famed cyclist admitted to using blood transfusions and a cocktail of drugs to cheat. Armstrong admitted to lying as millions tuned in to watch Oprah asked all the questions we wanted to ask. For months, shock and anger have been the reaction of choice to the man who founded an organization to “Live Strong” but cheated. In the end, Armstrong paid a price by losing endorsement deals, stepping down from his charity, and facing humiliation.

Coming clean with a confession is no easy task. Especially when you are a celebrity and you do it on national television. Or, is it?

Armstrong told Oprah things like:

I didn’t invent the culture, but I didn’t try to stop the culture.

I will spend the rest of my life trying to earn back trust and apologize to people.

I lied.

With critics saying that this interview was not enough, how does one really confess wrong doing? With news media asking if Armstrong is the “biggest liar”, how does one go about sharing the truth?

In a world where CEOs who wrongly milked millions out of companies only to retire comfortable while workers lose their 401k’s, the public’s strong reaction against people like Armstrong is reasonable. Celebrities, politicians, and the wealthy seem to get a break that most of us don’t receive.

When most people confess, it is hard and ugly. They have to face the people who they have wronged. When Lance Armstrong wants to confess, he goes on Oprah. He doesn’t face his fans, teammates, or those who he lied to. Instead, he gets a mega celebrity who wants to ride on the notoriety.

Is that a real confession?

I serve in a Christian tradition where there isn’t a standard of private confession to a priest. However, wrong doers must face the people that they have wronged and there must be an effort for reconciliation by both parties (James 5:16). If we want to be forgiven of any wrong we have done, then we must forgive others (John 20:23). Forgiveness is a two way street.

Confession of wrong doing isn’t only about coming clean. It is about restoration. It looks something like this:

Wrong doing -> Confessing of wrong doing -> Forgiveness -> Restoration of relationship -> Healing

Let’s be real about this. This process doesn’t happen in an instant. It may take days, weeks, months, and maybe years. God forgives easily but humans take longer.

For most of us, we can’t go on television and confess. We can’t have a one sided conversation of confession. We face the ugly and messy task of owning up to our mistakes and facing those who we have wrong. That’s not easy but it is the right thing to do.

anger, Leadership

The day I was cursed at in church

In ministry, one day is always different from the next. Sometimes, there are wonderful and rewarding experiences. Other times, there are difficult experiences.

I’ll never forget the day I was cursed at in church. Samuel L. Jackson style.

I was in my office working on the bulletin for the upcoming Sunday worship service. My office manager was not in so I was alone on the first floor of the church. I heard a commotion outside my office. I heard someone yelling at the top of their lungs. I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I stood up to get a better look through my window to the common area outside of our church offices. There I saw a women who started into a profanity laced speech:

“What the f**k is going on? Who’s in charge here? Someone has to help me with this sh*t”

Ignoring her cursing, I immediately greeted her, told her I was the pastor, and ask how I could be of assistance.

“How you going to fking going to solve my problem. You don’t fking understand!” She said. And directed her anger, misplaced as it was, at me. I was floored. I never met this woman and had no clue what was going on to produce such craziness.

Jesus

What Would Jesus Wear?

Hmmm... I think I'll wear my "Jesus is my homeboy" shirt today.

Many of us have heard of WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) but how about WWJW (What Would Jesus Wear?) Check out this actual toy , on the right, that is sold in stores. I first thought this was a joke, but then I saw that you can buy this doll action figure for about $15. Based on this action figure, Jesus would wear just about anything. Including a 80’s boom box stereo (look close in the back ground) I’m glad to see a cross is there. I think.

Some may see this as sacrilegious, but I think it is a point of reference for commentary in our culture. No longer is Jesus off limits from commercialization. Sure “Christian” businesses make money of Jesus related digs, but now we see secular businesses making money off Jesus’ likeness. Trademark infringement anyone?

The likeness of Jesus and his apparel may not seem critically important to the average person. Christ spoke a few times about clothing, but never clear on what to wear. There are references to sharing clothing and being watchful of the Pharisees wearing their religious clothing in order to be seen.

Should we be concerned with what we wear?

Obama

Obama's Presidental Donkey: Watching Our Tongues

The saga continues for the Kanye West story, but his time President Obama has unwisely gotten himself involved. (Remember Henry Louis Gates Jr and the Harvard Police?) The President called Kanye West a “jackass” for interrupting the MTV Music awards during Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech. You can find the audio of the President’s incident here.

If you want to pass up on the audio, here is the transcript of the event:

“I thought that was really inappropriate. It’s like, she’s getting an award, why are you butting in?” Obama says in the audio clip. “I hear you. I agree with you. The young lady seems like a perfectly nice person. She’s getting her award. What’s he doing up there?”

Someone asks, “Why would he do that?”

Obama groans, comically: “He’s a jackass!”

There’s a nervous explosion of laughter from the others in the room, which Obama immediately reacts to: “Now, now, all this stuff… I’m assuming all this stuff — come on guys, cut the president some slack. I’ve got a lot of other stuff on my plate.”

How did this come about? How could we catch such an unusual Presidential event? Why would a President or any politician say something like that on the off chance of it being recorded? How did someone get a recording of this?

Here’s how:

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