Tag Archive - marriage

'Sister Wives' Family 'Suffers', Challenging Polygamy Law

July 14, 2011 in marriage with 1 Comment

I think most people have heard about the show, ‘Sister Wives’ on TLC.  The show highlights Kody Brown, a polygamist normal guy, who is legally married to one woman, but has three other “wives” (not legally).  With several states redefining who can be married, it seems that Brown thinks he can fight a law that Mormons unsuccessful tried to in the 19th century.

Brown’s arguement is that his four wives, Robyn, Christine, Meri and Janelle, have a consensual relationship in the privacy of their own household. He believe that it is a private concern and wants to use  a 2003 U.S. Supreme Court decision overturning sodomy laws for the benefit of gay couples.  The law was overturned because of the argument that states cannot govern “intimate conduct” between consenting adults.

All this heat on Brown’s marriages forced the family to move from Utah to Nevada. Apparently, the famous polygamist might have a chance to win his case.  Civil rights attorney Brian Barnard said,
Continue Reading…

The Facebook & Marriage Problem

May 17, 2011 in marriage with 1 Comment

Is it permissible for a spouse to post pictures on Facebook that display flirting with shirtless men? What’s the big deal? It’s harmless, right?

That was a listener’s question on a local radio station which features email questions on relationships, marriage, or even popular culture. I tried to call in to this radio show and throw in my two cents: Ah, are you kidding? (lines were busy, thought I thought I’d post my response)

As a pastor, I often meet with couples in premarital counseling and martial counseling. Engaged couples often balk at the idea that their partner would never cheat on them. Married couples often seek counseling when things are at the worst point in their marriage. Sometimes, it’s too late. Other times, marriages can be repaired.

If you want to know why almost half of all marriages end in divorce in this country, look no further than the example of this listener’s Facebook question.

One of the radio hosts remarked, “What’s the big deal!?! It’s harmless.” Continue Reading…

Millennials value Parenting more than Marriage

March 29, 2011 in Generation X, Generation Y, Millennials with 1 Comment

A recent Pew Poll and study among 18-25 year-old adults found that parenting is more important than marriage. The majority of Millennials, (generally those born between 1982 and 1995) about 52%, said being a good parent is “one of the most important things” in life. About 30% said the same about having a successful marriage. This Pew Poll points out that there is a 22 percentage point gap in the way Millennials value parenthood over marriage.

Sometimes called “Generation Y”, Millennials differed from their Generation X counterparts:

When this same question was posed to 18- to 29-year-olds in 1997, the gap was just 7 percentage points. Back then, 42% of the members of what is known as Generation X said being a good parent was one of the most important things in life, while 35% said the same about having a successful marriage.

What does this mean?

Continue Reading…

Debunking ‘The Debunking of Biblical Marriage’

February 10, 2011 in marriage with 4 Comments

Recently, a fellow American Baptist wrote a  challenging article concerning marriage in the Bible. After reading it, I decided to respond by debunking, “Debunking ‘Biblical marriage’: Why the Bible can’t dictate today’s sexual morals” by Jennifer Wright Knust. Knust recently posted a column for the Washington Post’s On Faith blog where she basically throws out many key understandings of marriage and sexuality in the Bible.

Much has already been said about the fading of marriage in this country and around the world. Many Christians have sought to understand where Christian marriage fits in today’s culture.  Is it an outdated institution?

Jennifer Wright Knust is an Assistant Professor of Religion at Boston University and an ordained American Baptist. She is bright and logical, but her conclusions on biblical marriage are not faithful to understanding scripture. She says:

Continue Reading…

Al & Tipper Gore: An Inconvenient Marriage?

June 3, 2010 in marriage with 5 Comments

I’m sure by now every one has heard of Al & Tipper Gore’s separation.  The former vice president and his wife have publicly said,

“This is very much a mutual and mutually supportive decision that we have made together following a process of long and careful consideration,”

While divorce or separation of couples after 40 year of marriage is rare (in fact less than 1% of couples divorce after 40 years), it makes us wonder why such a couple would separate?  The typical responses come to mind: They are such a happy couple.  They have been together for so long.  They have been through so much!  Remember the “Convention Kiss of 2000?”

Writing about the Gores, Ellen McCarthy at the Washington Post said it well:

They’re like the couple down the block with the lush garden and the annual Labor Day cookout. The pair who are always power walking together and drinking wine on the front porch, who make you nudge your husband and say, “See? I want that.”

However, I was absolutely shocked at what I read next in McCarthy’s article:

Continue Reading…

Mary's Baby Bump: A Divine Scandal?

December 18, 2009 in Advent with 0 Comments

Much is made about Jesus’ birth in the Christmas story, but often preachers do not comment on Mary’s “situation”: an unwed mother who is pregnant.  Culturally, this would have been disastrous. Mary, most likely just a teenager, is visited by the angel Gabriel to bring Good News: she is to give birth to the Anointed One of Israel. Luke chapter 1 reads:

“Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” 29Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. 31You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. 32He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.”

It has been well documented that Mary’s pregnancy would be cause to shun Mary out of her community.  A scandal!  To be pregnant before marriage was grounds for divorce in the Old Testament.  Even Joseph thought about leaving Mary, but a divine message changed that.  However, apparently there has been some scholarship to suggest that Mary’s pregnancy may have not been that scandalous. Christianity Today‘s blog for women features a new perspective from Lynn Cohick, associate professor of New Testament at Wheaton College.  Cohick’s take on Mary’s situation:

Continue Reading…

Does God Promise You a Spouse?

August 18, 2009 in marriage with 12 Comments

...was the question that Rob Eagar over at thelife.com proposed recently.  His post tried to answer this question in the affirmative.   Many evangelicals through the years have often painted a picture that God promises a spouse to all believers.  Except there is one problem, no where in scripture does God make this promise.

Eagar said:

Does God promise us a spouse? The Bible says “yes” by describing Christians as the spiritual bride of Christ. Our true spouse is Jesus. Yet, many of us say, “I’m glad to be spiritually married to Christ, but I can’t feel Him. Wouldn’t it be better if I could enjoy God’s love with someone else? I want Jesus with skin on.” So, we pray for God to bring us an earthly mate.

This type of theology has created a generation of frustrated Christian singles.  No where in scripture does God promise a wife or husband to a believer on the sole basis that they are a Christian.   Christians are not the spiritual bride of Christ.  The spiritual bride of Christ is the Church (ecclesia).  Some would say Christians make up the church, thus Christ is our bride.  Maybe (that is pretty loose theology), but not in the erotic sense.  However, scripture is clear where we get this “bridal theology” from, such as  Ephesians 5:25:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Here, Paul speaks about the love that exists between a husband and wife and mirrors that love in non-erotic language (Paul uses agapate to describe this love) to describe the relationship between the Church and Jesus.  Agnieszka Tennant, writing for CT, posted this article about the over use of love language with Christ.   Her most telling quote reveals the trouble with the over use of the love language of God:

Continue Reading…

Is This A Holy Wedding?

July 27, 2009 in Wedding with 8 Comments

Watch this wedding processional… it received over 1 million hits on youtube when I watched it on Friday.  Now, it has received over 8 million hits.  It is most likely something you have never seen at a wedding.

This video is also here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0&feature=player_embedded

Most people would watch this video and point out that this is a creative and joyful way to have a wedding processional.  The Washington Post has written an article discussing this video.  Some Christians might believe that this wedding processional is a mockery of the wedding ceremony.   In an age where marriage is being redefined by culture, this video does not seem outrageous.   I am conflicted about this wedding video.  Let me explain.

Dance has been a universal act of joy in almost every culture through the ages.  King David danced before God with all his might in joyful celebration when the Ark of the Covenant was brought into the assembly of Israel in 2 Samuel.  Obviously, David did not dance with sunglasses on.  Thus, these two dances are different.  The dancing done in the video was well planned.  This wedding party was expressing their joy of two people in marriage.

Continue Reading…

Why I am Going to Watch 'Jon & Kate Plus 8'

June 22, 2009 in Culture with 3 Comments

UPDATE: Jon and Kate filled for divorce.  I wonder if they tried counseling.  From the looks of the editing in the episode, Jon and Kate cannot come to an agreement.  It seems that ” trying to do the best thing for their kids” does not include trying to save their marriage.

I have resisted blogging about “Jon and Kate Plus 8“, which is the show about Jon and Kate Gosselin and their 8 children, because it has been the “hot” celebrity news item.  I try not to give any attention to “celebrity news” because it is not real news.   The Jon and Kate story is news worthy on this blog because they are professed Christians and their situation is putting Christianity to the test in the eyes of secular viewers.   Part of the show contains scenes of the family going to church, memorizing scripture, and reading Bible stories.    Recently, the couple has gone through a dark time in their relationship, which has made news in just about every news outlet.  Allegations of infidelity have plagued the show since the start of season 5.  Questions have been raised regarding  the couple  staying together.

Tonight’s episode is billed as TLC’s most shocking show announcement, which many think will include the couple divorcing or ending the show.   Many of my friends who are Christians have found themselves in conversation about Jon and Kate and wondering, “What would I do if I were in the situation.”   News outlets have also been talking about how America is watching this train wreck but cannot look away.  There have been reports that Jon has been looking for an apartment in NYC. This show has gone from entertainment to the guilty pleasure of watching a family being torn away from each other.  This family does not need to go through anymore drama, but that is what you sign up for when you do a reality show in your kitchen.  Their children will no doubt watch the show when they are older and be changed for it.

Continue Reading…